The Knife & Fork Of It All

A couple of weekends ago, I was on my way out of the city to spend a lovely weekend in a small town close to some beautiful beaches.  I decided to stay in a reasonably cheap motel as at the moment I’m trying to save some spending money for my next big overseas trip.  Where is your next big overseas trip you ask?  Well, I’m going to Barbados Mon!  Anyway I digress….  The motel’s website stated they provided a toaster and kettle in each room.  Great, I thought, I’ll save myself some money and I’ll pack my own breakfast so I don’t have to fork out $25 on breakfast at a local café.  (Please Note:  It doesn’t matter I ate out for all my other meals ah?)  At the moment, I’m not eating a lot of bread (it makes me too bloated, but I’m sure you really didn’t need to know that!), so I decided it was time to break out; be a rebel; be daring and included TWO slices of my favourite wholegrain bread in my breakfast pack with a little margarine and some Vegemite, as you do!

After spending a wonderful day being a tourist in the little beachside town, I headed back to the motel for a good night’s sleep whilst also looking forward to indulging in the scrumptious breakfast I had planned in the morning.  Upon waking the next morning, whilst still in my sleepy state, I headed over to toaster and popped in two slices of bread, ensuring the setting wasn’t going to burn my delicious wheatiness of course…  I grabbed a plate from the cupboard, the margarine out of the fridge and the Vegemite out of my bag.  Duh I forgot the knife, hello you need something to spread these goodies on your toast, wake up!  So I went to locate the knife. What the heck… where are the knives?  I proceeded to look in all of the cupboards, moving the plates, glasses and cups out of the way.  I looked in the wardrobe (well, you never know!), I even looked in the bedside table where I only found the usual stock standard motel bible…. nope, nothing….  Where the heck are the knives or even the forks come to think of it?  How about the bathroom cupboard?  Wishful thinking there my friend…  I thought maybe the cleaner had encountered a bad day previous to my arrival due to the boss being mean to them, so they’d decided to play a little trick and hide the utensils; no such luck.  There was not one knife or fork found at the scene…  OMG I couldn’t actually believe they didn’t provide utensils!  Why would the motel advertise they provided a toaster but no utensils is just plain weird don’t you think?  It would be like providing a bed with no mattress or advertising they have a pool all year round, but it’s always empty of water.  Come on now people, what the heck?

Luckily I found a plastic spoon (don’t ask me where I found it.) which I used to spread the margarine and Vegemite on the toast, but I have to say, it just wasn’t the same.  The margarine wasn’t spread evenly, therefore it didn’t melt in the way it should; the Vegemite was in little Vegemite clumps which isn’t the best at any time….. So all in all, my delicious, scrumptious breakfast I’d been dreaming about for which felt like an eternity (yes, I’m being a little dramatic now) just wasn’t up to scratch…. I was so, so disappointed.

sad face

When checking out of the motel, I told the owners there were no utensils in the room, thinking it was probably just an oversight.  Their response was “they get stolen”.  Huh?  Who would want to steal utensils and more importantly, why?  Maybe a previous guest stole a knife as their letter opener had become blunt, or stole a fork as they felt it was time to weed their garden or turn over soil during harvesting season?

Note to all you lovely readers:  When deciding to stay in a budget motel, ensure they provide utensils or bring your own!


What’s the most annoying sound ever?

My next instalment is about annoying sounds and no, it’s not about me being dramatic (ha ha!). I would like to think there are many people out there who would fully agree with me!

I catch the bus to and from work every day and luckily for me, it is usually only a seven minute bus ride (yes, I’ve timed it cause I’m a geek!).  Whilst at the bus stop in the morning, there is often a man (dressed like a cowboy… no, I’m not joking – let’s just say I wish he looked like this but he doesn’t…) on his iPad and from what I can see and hear; he is learning a new foreign language which is great!  We both board the bus and in normal circumstances you would sit in your chosen seat and watch the world go by for a few relaxing minutes of peace before the reality of work hits us, right?  Well this would be a big NO for me peoples!  All of the passengers are tormented as we have to endure the horrific sounds of a.) The blip sound coming from the cowboy’s iPad each time he touches the screen and b.) The sound of a foreign language audio voice recording also coming from his iPad.  It’s quite clear he is an auditory learner and is learning the language by sound, but come on now…. does the whole bus have to listen to it as well?  I can only presume he isn’t aware that the sound waves coming from his iPad are impinging on our early morning; still half asleep and grumpy ear drums.  Turn the sound off dude!  On the plus side though, I could learn a new language while on my way to work each day… I wonder what the cowboy would say if I sat next to him and said I wanted to learn the language with him and could I please sit next to him each morning in order to do so?  Maybe I should do that, then he’d get scared and turn the sound off!  Hey it’s Monday tomorrow, right?  I’ll let you know how I get on!

This gets me thinking about other really annoying sounds… the mobile phone…. Primarily more so when someone is sending a text and has their keypad tone up to full volume.  What’s worse is when they’re sending a text, and they’re NOT USING PREDICTIVE TEXT!  It’s excruciating.  Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep – I’m annoying myself just typing the word beep!  I was talking to a work colleague about this particular annoying sound and she commented that it is usually the older folk who love their mobile phone keypad tone up to full volume…  Is it because they think they need to “hear what they text”?

Actually in my workplace, there are a couple of guys who are extremely annoying… in what way you ask?  Well, one of them likes to pucker his lips together and whistle a lovely tune for his fellow work colleagues; please note; I work in an OPEN PLAN office environment.  Whilst the other guy likes to clear his throat literally every ten seconds.  I think the frog in his throat finds its immediate environment too comfy and just doesn’t want to leave.  At times I just want to grab my stapler or Post It Note pad and with my Wonder Women strength, hurl these items directly at them!  Believe me, some my work colleagues will back me up on these annoyances.

Very interestingly, a professor a British University took some time to survey what sounds people thought as most annoying.  “The Internet study, overseen by England’s Salford University lecturer Trevor Cox, took a year to complete and involved people listening to 37 sounds on his Web site,, and rated them on a scale of irritability.  The list includes grating sounds such as fingernails scratching a blackboard, babies crying and the ubiquitous cell phone ring tones….. The most irritating sound, according to the online vote, is vomiting.”

So to add a few more items to the list of annoying sounds, which you may nod your head in agreement and say to yourself, yes that is annoying!

  1. Someone chewing gum in your ear (OMG, just shut your mouth okay!)
  2. Slurping food (that’s just gross and you have bad manners!)
  3. Loud breathing (breathe through your nose please!)
  4. Alarm clocks (shut up!)
  5. Car alarms (shut up!)
  6. Clicking pens (do you really have to do that?)
  7. Dogs barking (where’s the local dog ranger?)
  8. Screeching brakes (take your car to a mechanic already!)
  9. Dentist drill (shivers down spine also in terror)
  10. Speaker or microphone feedback (ouch my ears really hurt now, thanks!)

Lastly I would like to add there is ONLY EVER ONE funny and hysterical annoying sound which you can find here – the most annoying sound in the world – yes I’m crying and laughing at the same time right now!  ENJOY!

Body Image

Okay, so this being my first blog ever(!), I know, I know, get with the times right?  I thought I would touch on a subject which I would say 98% of women can relate to…. Don’t give me that look of “what the heck is she on about?”  Body Image.  From my own personal experience this subject has haunted me since I was around 10 – 11 years old.  My first memory is where I would be in my bedroom and doing at least 100 sit ups each and every day.  Why you ask?  Even I can’t really answer that question.  I do not remember what made me think I HAD to do sit ups in the first place, so to me this is abit of a mystery.  I don’t think I can blame the media at this stage (the year being 1985) as it wasn’t in your face as it is now… Oh, I just had a thought of why I did this…. Madonna!  I loved her in the good old days and maybe, just maybe I wanted to look / be her…. who knows… but this theory is working for me at the moment!

So roll on a few years and my next memory is when I was about 14 – 15 years old.  I was beginning to become obsessed with exercising nightly in my room doing sit ups (yes, I was still doing them!), leg lifts, waist twists; just what ever my 15 year old mind could think of.  Aerobics Oz Style (come on, you must remember that TV show back in the day!) was another feature in my life during this time period, where I would get up at the crack of dawn before school and exercise my little heart out!  It didn’t just stop at that; I would walk home from school (3 kms) just in the hopes to lose weight; I would also record weekly measurement of my waist, boobs, hips and upper thighs just to confirm to myself what I was doing was working and it was.

So fast forward to a few more years and I completely stopped any kind of exercise during my 20’s (I was happier going out getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night (KROC or Utopia anyone?  Theresa S if you’re reading this, you know what I mean!)).  So it wasn’t until I was into my early 30’s where I got back into exercise.  I completed a couple of women’s triathlon which were always great fun and I have more or less kept up the fitness regime.  At present I train with a Personal Trainer twice a week and I try to go out for a 30 – 40 minute run about three times a week.

So back to why I started this topic which got me thinking….. why am I a little obsessed with exercise, watching what I eat, trying not to feel guilty when I do have a treat; where has this come from?  Boyfriends, media, comments made at high school… I suppose one comment can start to make you think but many comments rolled into one can have an impact.  I have in the past also been preoccupied with weighing myself on scales everyday and each day there would be a change (of course, hello… weight fluctuates each day….) and my mood would reflect the outcome of the number on the scale.  I have come to a point now where I weigh myself once a week due to being told by my family and Personal Trainer to STOP this fixation!

So this leads me onto where the other day I was at Myer, a department store here in Perth, looking in the designer dress section (casually looking at the overpriced, hideous dresses mind you!) and I came across a dress which was a size zero.  Let me tell you, this dress was tiny, diminutive, almost microscopic, it was literally the size for a small child!  So when I look at the women in Hollywood, size zero is their ideal size as we all know, but I just don’t understand why you would want to look like a boy with no boobs, hips or butt which would lead you to think that if ALL these actresses hear each day is, you’re too fat, lose weight; I would assume becoming obsessed with their weight and measurements will have a profound affect on them, especially if they are missing out on movie roles due to their size.  I can only imagine what pressure they’re putting on themselves (not just mentally but physically) to reach this “ideal” size.  As for the normal women (normal as in, not living in Hollywood peoples), getting down to a size zero I would think is nearly impossible unless you just don’t eat.  Maybe these women have taken dietician advice from Marjorie Dawes (Little Britain) who recommends “Dust. Anybody? No? High in fat, low in fat? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. Anybody? No? Dust. It’s actually very low in fat. You can have as much dust as you like.”

So to compare this to me and other women, I suppose what we go through is actually minimal as opposed to these women in Hollywood.  It’s about time we cut ourselves some slack and appreciate that we are healthy, normal women who don’t have the horrific pressures Hollywood demands on them.  As my mother always says “at least you have your health”!

For just a moment, take a look at the song (which I love by the way) “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix A Lot: “I’m tired of magazines sayin’ flat butts are the thing, take the average black man and ask him that, she gotta pack much back, baby got back” – this song is on my iPod and I always turn it up when I’m out running!  Just gotta find myself an average black man now!  This song is confirming that it is okay to have a little cushioning on our bones and stop trying to be the ideal size, which in reality, we would probably never achieve.

Lastly, I just have to say Jennifer Lawrence has an awesome figure with boobs and butt which is so refreshing to see; but what really annoys me is how the media criticize her as being too womanly…. what the heck does that mean….?? By having boobs and a butt, you’re now too womanly…. I loved her response back to these idiots “I eat like a caveman, I’ll be the only actress who doesn’t have anorexia rumors. In Hollywood, I’m obese. I’m considered a fat actress.”  So when I read awesome comments like this, I think to myself, Jennifer Lawrence is happy with her figure then I can be too!